I shall declare myself the über-instructor to the world at large.
Pedagogically speaking, I will unleash wonder and enchantment.
I am committed to the fresh production of unnecessary needs.
My head will become a fully automated factory of sunlight.
All of my sentences will bend my students souls toward that sun.
I will show them how to master the art of wallpapering
so they might learn to live in harmony with the TAO.
No knowledge will be too arcane or mundane for us.
Elves in lederhosen will learn to swallow ticking clocks.
Music classes will be busy trumpeting sonatas through mutant noses.
Home Ec students will find the recipe for baking the square root of pie.
Football players will discover quantum botany while piled on fumbles.
Weavers will unravel the sociology of bed clothes.
Psychologists will take up morosely dispensing Screaming Orgasms.
Physicists will figure out how to breed better cats.
Gaia herself will imagine how to shed her current cancer.
I will accomplish all of this without a PhD or even a raincoat.
Even Dante's birds in Hell shall seek my instruction!
At first, my solitude will be that of a clothed person on a nude beach,
but soon multitudes will take up the calling and together
we will establish the ultimate university, The University of the Absurd.
Only then will the fully practical become established within the world,
only then will all the pandas be repatriated to their loved ones in China.
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